Monthly Archives: April 2015

Like riding a bike.

I wrote this a while back, but kept forgetting post it.  I hope you don’t mind.

We’ve been doing a St. Joseph’s novena, trying to get our house to sell.  The prayers that involve fatherhood, make me want to weep, because my husband is a good father and husband.  At night though, I wonder when our prayers will be answered
Come on, God.  Throw me a bone.  I have two major prayers that we’ve been repeating for months and years.  We’ve asked for St. Gerard, St. Monica, St. Joseph, St. Jude, St. Christopher, St. Raymond.  Still, our house is still on the market, and my womb is still empty.

I’ve posted our prayer request on every thread asking for intentions.  I’ve placed it in envelopes, I’ve whispered quick prayers as I balance checkbooks, I’ve sat before the crucifix and poured my heart out.  I’ve bowed my head in prayer for me and others, and I’ve reminded my daughter to say “St. Joseph, sell our house”.  We’ve researched online, studied books, we’ve dabbled into essential oils, and funky diets.

Our house is still on the market, and my womb is still empty.  I started wondering what the point in investing all this time on prayer was.

Yesterday, was glorious outside.  We went to the store and she tried riding the bike in the store, so we bought some new tubes for the Bean’s used bicycle, strapped on her helmet and set about refreshing her memory on how to ride a bike.

We practiced stopping before we started.  Peddle, peddle, stop.  Peddle, peddle, stop.  I walked along side of her with my hand on her back, keeping her steady and every once in a while, letting go and letting her peddle on her own.  Then Daddy did it, then he let go for longer, he walked ahead while I walked behind/beside, and we switched places.

I realized that even though she was both uncertain and eager, she needed our support.  Having us close by, ready to help steady her, comforted her, and made it easier for her to forge on.  While the support wasn’t always evident.   We were ready to catch her in the moment of true need.

I really hope that’s what God is doing for us.

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Fighting for one step forward, going ten steps back.

It’s been one of those months thats so complicated that I don’t know how to process it.  I might have to make a couple posts.  I don’t know.

So many topics that I want to cover, and not enough time, and not even enough processing.

I finally got put on thyroid meds, did I say that already?  I had blood work done and while my numbers were in range, I argued that, using a website recommended to me in the IF group.  Just because thyroid numbers were in range, didn’t mean they were in optimal range.  So my NaPro prescribed me NatureThroid.  I also told him I thought my symptoms indicated I needed more progesterone so he agreed to raise my dosage.
After a week on NatureThroid, I wondered why the heck I hadn’t found that website sooner.
I have energy.  For some reason, I don’t know if it’s thyroid related or an essential oil that I started using as well, I had better quality mucous that I have had in a long time.  After two weeks, my hands weren’t as cold as they were.  Three weeks after it, my hair isn’t coming out in clumps.  So I was amazed that things were looking up, but my period still started, so I called my NaPro back.

The NaPro has told me that i could suggest blood work to him and he would be happy to do them, so I requested more blood work.  The results were inconclusive to him, apparently, and even though all the levels were low, he doesn’t want to treat them.  He did say maybe do more blood work post peak, but he wanted me off progesterone to do the bloodwork.  Having previously missed progesterone on accident, I remember how horrible I felt without progesterone supplementation.  So I’m not sure that’s a good move.  For my body, and for my sanity.
While I was trying to get him to think outside the box, come on, surely there is SOMETHING you haven’t tested, surely there is SOMETHING you can do to improve my odds.

He basically told me “I’ve been on the phone with you for 17 minutes, we need to talk about you compensating me for my time.”

Seriously?  You told me you wanted an open dialogue and suggestions and now, not only are you refusing to help me medicate to balance my hormones, but you want me to pay you for all this time telling me that you don’t want to do anything?

I basically told him that I didn’t have a problem compensating him if he was actually being pro-active.  I was the one that suggested just about everything that was done, I had to push to get ultrasounds, I had to argue for meds, and pester for blood work.  At which point he suggested maybe we should terminate our professional relationship.

#SMH

So, I’m not sure what to do now.  Continue with a doctor who clearly doesn’t have the WANT to help me?  Go with another NaPro doctor who was already given a poor recommendation?  Consult PPVI, and take more recommendations to the NaPro who already doesn’t want to help me?  Check with a mainstream doctor who may or may not be compatible with my Catholic faith?  Give up?

I settled on the obvious and cried for a while.  Angry.

So here we sit, spinning our wheels.

Again.